Wife Life // the next 25

Jeremy wrote me a birthday card last week. Other than the fact that it was possibly the most ginormous birthday card I've ever received, it said something that stuck with me. At the end of it he wrote,

"here's to the next 25." 

Now I know I just turned a quarter of a century old and that's a big deal, according to my mother. But, I feel like I've crammed a whole lot in so far. There have been some really great seasons of life, so many transitions, so many countries, so many roommates. I have celebrated my birthday with lots of people I love. But a very small number of them have been around for all 25 of them.

What I guess sort of dawned on me last week is that this man, my husband, my roommate, my friend, my world-renowned chef, my comic relief, my pastor, my love, my family…God willing, he will be by my side for all them -- the next 25 and beyond. That's like my whole lifetime so far plus more! I'm kind of blowing my own mind, can you tell?

When you're at the altar and you say your promises and you put your rings on it's hard to put into perspective what forever means. I think I just got my first dose of it. And even when this life is over, there's most on the other side. What a true blessing it is to know another's soul. To spend the rest of your life knitting yours to his and learning what that bond is between our God and his church. 

So friends, here's to the next 25. May your soul be more joyful with another alongside it. Mine sure is.

Wife Life | two people, one marriage

I trust you.

A chancy thing to mean, an easy thing to say, and an even easier thing to attach a tagline to. 

I trust you…as long as you leave the big stuff up to me.

I trust you…as long as you trust me.

I trust you…as long as things are easy for us.

I trust you…as long as you do what I want.

That last one is a doozy. Not only is it conditional, but it also implies that one or the other of you is in control of  your marriage. And that's just not the case. 

It's fair to say that, because you married your spouse, you trust them with your life. You've attached your journey to theirs and you now walk together. The two become one. 

But. There are still two people. Two people with inherently different needs, desires, thoughts, and habits. And it would be damaging to us to ignore those differences and assume that, because you are married, you sort of meld into each other -- unable to recognize where one stops and the other begins. The reason why you got married in the first place is because you were (hopefully) intrigued by the other -- you fell in love with another person, right? And you realized that your life together gives more glory than your life apart. 

Sometimes, that other person makes decisions or does things that you get and you you agree with. And sometimes they don't. Trust, real unconditional trust, is expressed in spite of your agreement. Trusting that they see a bigger picture, trusting that they are taking care of their individual, trusting their faith, trusting their heart, trusting that you may not be right. And trusting that in in the midst of the decisions you both may make, God is. And he redeems and reconciles all things to himself. 

Upholding and supporting differences in our spouse is just as important as supporting our marriage as one. We may never fully understand this marriage thing, but hopefully through experience we get to know our God better. And we get to know his desires better as we journey in relationship with him. 

[The picture above was taken during our recent trip to Jeremy's home town. It was so special to visit that place with him and experience a little bit of his past. It still amazes me how God can bring together two vastly different people for his unifying purpose. But we are overwhelmed by the blessing and look forward to all that is yet to come.]

Wife Life | Four Simple Phrases

I'm sorry

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

I love you.

Four phrases that no husband or wife will ever get tired of hearing from the other. We are realizing every day that marriage is a continuum of love, mistakes, grace, thankfulness and re-dos. The thing is, that continuum is beautiful and full of the gospel that's been infused within the very depths of us. And I really truly am so deeply grateful to walk with someone in this life to share that with.

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Taking a little break this long weekend to walk away from the computer screen and spend some real flesh and blood time with family that we don't get to see every day. Even though I absolutely love what I get to do to earn a living, my mind and my heart are looking forward to some rest.

In the meantime, feel free to catch up on other Wife Life posts here >>

Wife Life | sources of joy

image cred

Someone once said to me in college that he would fail me. Not only him, but all people would fail me at one time or another. And that the only one who wouldn't was Jesus. 

As much as that truth stung my heart at the time, the words have never left me. And the lesson has been something I've lived into a greater understanding of ever since. 

My husband and I love each other and have no intention of hurting or letting down one another, but there are moments. There are moments where we fail because we are human beings and that's what we do. And that's okay. 

We knew from the beginning that we, as individuals are fueled, fed, and rested differently. We are interested in different topics, have different hobbies and are a part of different communities. Are there similarities? Yes. I certainly hope there would be. But for the most part, we are different. And that's okay too.  There's harmony in that.

One of the most valuable things we can do for ourselves is prioritize and set boundaries for things that refuel us, for things that make us joyful. And I don't mean things like things because things don't make us happy. What I'm talking about are activities, people, moments, and ways of connecting with God that bring us joy because we like them. Those things. The stuff that brings the passion out in us. Are you still with me?

JT likes to run. Dare I say, he needs to run. It does all sorts of wonderful things for his mind, body and soul. So he makes that a priority. He likes to watch football on the weekends. So we do that, or he does that, while I make comments about how cool the new college helmet designs are. I, dare I say, need to blog and read other blogs. It encourages me. So I prioritize that for myself. I need to connect with my friends over the phone. I love that community and my heart is full when I do that. So I schedule it.

We, as individuals, are responsible for setting boundaries and prioritizing these things that manifest joy and passion in our hearts. We, as spouses, are responsible for fostering an environment for each other where this is possible. We made a promise to take care of each other and this is part of that promise. 

What advice do you have about this?

Moms, what are the ways that you have been able to do this in your marriage amidst this busy season of your life? 

Those who work full time outside the home, what are your thoughts? 

Is this realistic? Is this necessary? Is this a load of crap? I love your comments!

There is one metaphor for a couple's first year of marriage that has always stuck with me  -- it's like two jagged stones knocking into each other constantly. Nothing seems to match up and every-day planning, discussions and activities seem to be up for question and last way longer than they should. 

At times we are finding this to be so true. We laugh at how different our thought processes can be sometimes, how differently we make dinner or fold clothes or plan for the day. One of us loves the morning time and one of us is a habitual night owl. 

One thing that has always helped hash out the differences is a huge helping of grace and kind words. Always trying to give the other person the benefit of the doubt and believing the best intentions of their words. I can't tell you how many times the words I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that have come out of my mouth. (Being slow to speak is not my strong suit.) And we are learning to be gentle and explain what we mean or why we did something. 

There needs to be grace for getting us lost on the road, grace for leaving x number of water glasses out, grace for forgetting to check the soup on the stove, grace for being late, grace for making a rotten birthday cake (my bad), grace for sickness, grace for breaking dishes, grace for habitually relocating items....buckets and buckets and buckets of grace. For each other. And for the process of growing with one another one day at a time. 

"I know God's love better now because He put you in my life," he said. And that's just what this is all about, isn't it. We come to know the God of love and grace through the people around us. Our community. That's what this is for. 

We've got to have confidence in the process because God is in the midst of it. And day after day, those jagged stones get smoothed out by the overflowing of His love and grace through and towards one other. Slowly we create a rhythm, sending praises back to the One who created it all -- for all the glory and all the honor. Forever and ever. Let it be so. 

new series: the (newly) wife life

Many of you know that this past August JT and I got married. It's been a joyful (almost) eight weeks and I feel like we're really on a roll here. One of the things that we've both noticed is the huge learning curve that comes along with this whole married thing -- learning so much about your spouse and so much about yourself. Never in my life have I worked on communicating so well with someone or watched so much football. It's fun, challenging, confusing, glorifying and exciting all in one fowl swoop. 

Recently, I've been wanting to process what it means to be a wife and continually find ways to glorify God through marriage and family.  JT and I both feel strongly that our first ministry is within our family. To be good to each other and good parents (eventually), magnify the gospel in our little community of two. Only out of that center will we be able to reach farther out into a larger community to do the same thing, whether that be in a church that JT pastors or elsewhere. 

I'm excited to share with you a new series on this little blog that I'll be starting about just this. On the things we are learning about each other, about being a wife, about the little things we can do for one other and for ourselves that help us focus on what really matters. I want to share the funny quirks, the mistakes and the lessons. The things that as a wife, in particular, I can do to be a part of making our life filled with more love, grace and passion. After all, it's the little things, right? 

This is by no means meant to be marital advice because i think suggestions coming from a lady who's been at this for less than two months would be, well, scary. I do want this to be something I look back on and treasure -- a perspective from the newness and excitement of it all. A sort of back to the basics take on being a wife and experiencing the learning curve. Eventually, I'd love to have a few guest posts thrown in here as an opportunity to hear from other women about perspectives on "wife life" and what there is to learn during different lags of the journey. Sound good? Awesome. 

I'm eager to hear your thoughts and would love to have you guest post if you're feeling so inclined.